Who am I and why and I here?

I am a 28 year old wife and mother. I am a wife to a naval sailor and a mother to two babies that went to Heaven long before I was ready for them to leave. I am a college graduate, I am a teacher. I am a woman that loves children and loves whent they are around. I am also a Christian, a Christian whose life had beed turned upside down in a matter of days, that has lost the love and trust I once had for not only people but for the God and creator of my life. I am desperately searching for hope in a world that is filled with darkness, and for trust when everything seems to be falling apart around me. I am a wife to a wonderful man that loves God and desires to be a spiritual leader, not only in our house but in the world as well.
I am here(on the blog) in an effort to find my way back. With the death of my son, I lost all hope and trust in the Lord. I am desperately seeking guidance, and have been working through my anger and disappointment so that I could start allowing the Lord to guide me in his ways once again.
Here is my testimony(although a few important months have not yet been added to this testimony-in time it will be).

Testimony of my Christian Walk

My walk started a lot later in life then most. You see I grew up in a nice home with a decent family that believed in God and believed that he had died on the cross for us. We believed everything that Christians believed we just never gave our lives over to Christ nor had we gone to church on a regular basis. My testimony is not one of great miracles or God helping me to rid my self of drugs nor pulling me out of a deep hole. I did not have to turn my life around completely. We already were good people who loved and cared for others. None of us were in any major problems that God needed to fix. All we needed to do was realize that we had to accept Jesus into our hearts. I even read the Bible on occasion. Ok, so let's cut to the part where I did accept Jesus into my heart. The truth of the matter is I started going to church out of loneliness. I had one friend that stuck around for more then a year and she was pregnant at the time. For those of you who don't know, when your friends get pregnant and you don't they tend to think you have nothing in common any more--at least at that age they did. Anyhow, back to the story at hand. I went to church because I had graduated from high school and went to a junior college that really didn't have a way for the students to connect with each other. I asked what I needed to do to become a member of the church and the youth pastor (yes I said youth pastor-I was 20 at the time and in the college class) had led me through the steps of becoming a christian and the day after my 21 birthday I got baptised. So there is the story about how I came to Christ. Did I really know what I was doing? NO! But I would soon find out jsut what it meant to be a real christian with a heart for God. Not long after we started going to that church there was a big decision to be made. There was a group in the church that believed there was more to being a christian then the church was willing to let them openly practice. My parents happened to be in that group. I decided to stay with that church for a couple of months. Then I felt as though I should follow my parents that maybe they knew better then I did so I decided to go to this church, which I stayed with for about two years. I had never felt the pressence of God like I did at that church. My faith grew more then I knew was possible. Then God told me it was time for me to find my own way, apart from my parents. So I went off to college and started looking for churches there. I was in college for 4 years and for three years I couldn't find a church that I felt the kind of Godly presence that I felt at the church I went to at home. I struggled desperately to find a church. The second semester of school I found out somethings aboutmy home church that litterally devistated my walk with Christ. I didn't understand how he could let something like that happen. My faith and belief were teetering on nonexisence. Then the last year I found my best friend, soon to be my husband, and the church I desired. I went to church with Jake for two years, one being after I graduated. The pastor at that church married us in February of 2005. About that time I started feeling as though we didn't belong at that church any longer. Three months after we got married, my husband joined the US Navy. We moved 3 months later to California. I was now far from my parents and everything I have ever known and been comfortable with. My faith was almost completely disintegrated. I no longer had the desire to go to church and my husband and I were constantly fighting over money and tithing. After a couple of months we found a church that was suitable enough for us to attend, however, I never quite felt comfortable there. I couldn't find a place to get involoved and to meet people. During the year that we were attending this church my husband had to leave and go on his first deployment. The deployment devistated me even more. I tried to find the strength to make myself go to church but I neve had the desire. In the six months my husband was gone I went to church twice. When he got back I told him that I didn't feel like going back to that church. Despite how I felt we went back a couple more times. Then last Sunday we found a new church, The Rock. In one Sunday God has restored my hope and my faith not only in him but in man. My fires that I had when I was going to the church back home are back!!! Finally!!! The best part is, even though I am still a baby in my walk with Jesus...I have found the desire for church once again. I have found my desire to read the Bible and once again be close to Him!!!